Stated in the title, Older Sister, Not Necessarily Related, the theme of sisterhood runs through the book. The Korean salutation unni, older sister, is used to address her elder stepsister, but it also reflects her multiple roles as younger sister to her unni, and older sister to her younger sister named Bora [edit: previously mistaken as a salutation of younger sister]. This seems self-explanatory, but in the context of the book, the establishment and fortification of sisterhood is significant in Wills’ search of her identity and familial relations.
Paratextually, on the hard cover edition of the book, details of the fabric presumably of a hanbok, a traditional Korean garment, is shown. This gives a nod to the structure of the book likened to tapestry. In writing and presenting her memoir, Wills made a beautiful attempt in weaving together fragments of her life.
This week, I am taking the liberty as a reader to deconstruct the tapestry of the memoir, and reconstruct the parts relevant to sisterhood. I pulled out the threads written about, and to, unni and bora respectively to understand their relations with Wills. By focusing only on the episodes dedicated to the sisters, I hope I am not unraveling the fabric and as a result destroying the integrity of her work. The selective focus is placed for the purpose of zooming into the familial ties among the three sisters who found their way into each other in adulthood.
As quoted in the previous post, Wills makes sense of her life writing as “putting together pieces of something a bit shattered”. The memoir presents itself in episodes of various moments, places, states of mind, and voices. In most entries dedicated to her unni, the older sister of the same father, she writes in the form of letters. It is unclear whether they are actually sent to her sister, with whom she shares no common language (75). Nonetheless, the writing shows an openness to communicate. At Wills’ departure in her first visit to Seoul, unni took advantage of her job at the Incheon International Airport to meet Wills after the gate, and stuffed a loaf of bread to her carry-on luggage (75). The bond was fostered not with their father’s coercion, but through small acts of kindness. Throughout the book, Wills asks many questions regarding her childhood – some lost in the process of her adoption, some crushed from becoming a possibility due to their separation. There are many instances when she lets on judgments about their father. She also confesses instances of being hurt, which may otherwise be concealed and internalized had she not chosen the outlet of writing to an audience. The book ends with Wills experiencing motherhood and reaching out to unni about her joys and uncertainties. There is tenderness and strength in these writings.
Wills’ interaction with Bora of the same mother is more direct. Wills recounts many events of spending time with her younger sister, which took place in Seoul, Montreal, Vancouver, and Winnipeg. Bora is portrayed as a vibrant person with greater agency. Since her connection with Wills, she has made a visit to Montreal to attend language school and to live with Wills, followed by her travels to India, Nepal, and Australia, and eventually making Winnipeg her home with her husband. There is reciprocity when bora and Wills take turns to be each other’s protector in Seoul and Montreal, respectively. There is growth on both parts of the sisters as they oscillate between intimacy and distance, before finding the most comfortable way of maintaining their relationship. Bora and Wills both explored their flawed childhood. There are moments of shared vulnerability when the sisters confess to each other their fears and wishes. Wills expresses respect and affection for bora who is able to let go of their embittered past: “Third-born, second to leave, but first to riot against the land that made it so easy for them to dismiss us. To dismiss our mother.” (159) As a reader, it warms my heart to see bora grow with her journey in Canada, forging a life and identity of her own, and at the same time, establish a meaningful connection with Wills and support each other since their reunion.
These vignettes are by no means any attempt to compare how the sisters are different as they are similar, for in fact they each make unique marks on Wills and are reserved unique places in her memoir. Perhaps this post can end with one of Wills’ letters to unni on how the sisters come together:
“At a vacant gate in the international terminal, I was the middle sister. The only link between Bora and you. Half of me with you, half with her. It was the only time the three of us would be together. I could feel the tightness between you and me, unni, as though we dreaded what was to happen. Not our father’s death, but the slow wake that would stream out from it when the time finally come. Like the crest that vees out from the stern of a boat as it sails through the water, we’d be gently but irrevocably ushered apart.” (Wills 224)
The three women may not necessarily be related by blood, but they are sisters, no less.
There is now a lot more attention to this generation of Korean adoptees that I feel there can be a prominent sub-field in diasporic Asian studies.
I don’t think (based on my knowledge in the Korean language) that Bora is a salutation for younger sister. Bora is a girl’s name in Korean, and I think as a word it means purple. So is it just the case that Wills’ younger sister has the name of Bora, rather than Bora being a Korean term of address for younger sister?
On the issue of salutation I am also struck by how interesting it is that in this journey of knowing her sisters she adopts the Korean language’s hierarchical terms of address. If my hunch is correct that Bora is just a first name but she has to call her elder sister unni (which goes more in line with my understanding of Korean hierarchies – where you would never call your seniors but their first names, but you can with your juniors), then it would be interesting to consider how much of that hierarchical meaning in words like unni has been transformed in a diasporic setting.
While on a general note the hierarchical nature of Korean culture would have meant a very different relationship between the characters should they all grow up in Korea, the fact that Wills grew up in a non-Korean setting somehow gives a fresh perspective to how their behaviour is perceived. Stuffing a loaf of bread might be seen as kindness, but how can we be sure that it’s not also a sense of responsibility in Korean culture – where the seniors are expected to take good care of the juniors?
In this sense the fact that Wills calls the elder sister unni – using the language to acknowledge the hierarchical difference, contrasts interestingly with her non-Korean upbringing. If Wills had stepsiblings in her adopted white family, I can’t really imagine a white family would insist on siblings calling the eldest ‘elder sister’. Sibling relationships generally tend to be a bit more at a peer level, but in many East Asian contexts, elder siblings are somewhat considered seniors as well, and it reflects in the language (like gaa zeh in Cantonese, onesan in Japanese).
So, I wonder if any of the hierarchical meaning of unni actually gets retained when Wills utters that word. Which is not to say she is disrespectful. To the contrary, I am just wondering if we may read a potential transcendence of that hierarchy inherent embedded in the language.
Thank you for the correction. It is a big mistake from the lack of proper research. It does raise a very interesting question on how Wills adopts the hierarchical convention of addressing her sisters in her unique situation and identity. There is a specific entry addressing how much seniority is implied in the term unni, and how a person might not be seen as deserving of this respect when Wills recounts a cousin’s reaction to her introduction to the family. From that, I suppose Wills herself has also given some thought and exercised some agency on the topic.
I might be a little sentimental when I was reading unni’s gesture of stuffing her a loaf of bread prior to her departure. It is as valid to read it as a sense of responsibility, I have to agree, especially when feeding someone well is a gesture of affection as much as a fulfilling the responsibility of an elder.